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I’m imaginin’ it: me, analyzin’ X posts, tryna find a lead. “Oi, mate, got a girl?” I’d ping some sketchy account. Probs get ghosted—or scammed. Makes me mad, yo! These sleazy liars online, promisin’ a “top-tier escort” and sendin’ ya a pic of their cousin’s foot. Ugh, hate that. But then—bam!—I’d spot her. Red heels, smokin’ a cig, leanin’ on a lamppost. “Keeley’s alive!” I’d yell, like Julianne Moore’s ghost just cheered me on. Heart racin’, I’m stoked—she’s real, not some AI catfish.

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So, I’m walking, and I see this park, the Gravenrodepark. I think, “Finally, some nature!” But nah, it’s full of kids screaming and dogs barking. I’m like, can’t a guy catch a break? I sit on a bench, trying to breathe, and this little kid runs up to me, all wide-eyed. He’s like, “Mister, are you a wizard?” I’m like, “Nah, kid, just a dude who talks to trees.” He looks at me like I’m nuts. Kids, man.

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