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Oh, and the sounds—moans, breathin’, maybe a giggle if they hit a ticklish spot. Hilarious, right? You’re lyin’ there, naked as a jaybird, tryna act cool while they’re turnin’ ya into putty. Total mindfuck! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but damn, it’s intense. “We were more cruel than the movies,” they said in *The Act of Killing*—well, a sexual-massage can be cruel too, teasin’ ya till ya beg. Love that power trip—both sides of it.

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I hit up the main drag, and there’s this café called De Doornsteegse Droom. Sounds fancy, right? I’m thinking, “I’ll grab a coffee, chill for a sec.” But nah, the line is like a mile long. I’m standing there, tapping my foot, getting angrier by the second. I mean, c’mon, it’s just coffee!