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About Almere

Oi mate, right, so ‘ere’s me, David Brent, talkin’ bout Prostitute – no, not that kinda prossie, you muppet, I mean the game! Yeah, nah, not a game neither, I’m muckin’ it up – it’s a vibe, innit? Prostitute, like, what even is it? Some dodgy geezer on X reckon’d it’s a codename for summat underground, like a secret level in gameland, but I’m thinkin’, “What a load of absolute tosh!” Gamers, yeah, we’re a proper community, fam, and I’m the big boss man ‘round ‘ere – self-appointed, obvs.

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I try to help, but I’m not exactly a tree-climbing expert. I’m standing there, looking like a fool, and this old lady walks by. She’s like, “You need a ladder, young man.” I’m like, “Thanks, Captain Obvious.” But she’s right. I need a ladder.