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Love the chaos of it, mind. Sticky tables, dim lights, some Enya crap playing—pure theatre! Exaggerating? Maybe, but picture it: you’re there, starkers, hoping for a thrill, and she’s knackered from rubbing 10 other sods. “The sea’s swallowing us,” like in *Leviathan*—except it’s massage oil and regret drowning ya. Sarcasm’s my mate here—cos who believes it’s “just a massage”? Pull the other one, it’s got bells on!

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After the rain chills out, I head back outside. The streets are glistening, and everything smells fresh. I’m feeling good again. I wander down to the canal, and it’s stunning. The sunset is painting the sky in shades of orange and pink. I whip out my phone to snap a pic, but my battery dies. Of course! Just my luck.