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Gets me proper buzzin’, this does. Last week, went for one – dodgy parlour down Slough, right? Bloke says, “Full release, guv?” I’m like, “Steady on, I’m not that corporate!” Laughed me head off, but mate, the tension just melted. Shoulders like concrete, then – poof – soft as a baby’s bum. Thing is, yeah, it’s not just rude bits action. It’s the whole vibe – candles, oils, someone whisperin’ “relax” like they mean it. Surprised me, that. Thought it’d be all wham-bam, but nah, it’s dead gentle. “A cart rattles, life drags” – not after this, mate!

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So, I keep wandering, and I hit the river IJssel. The view is stunning, like postcard material. I’m standing there, just soaking it all in, when I see this kid trying to fish. He’s got this tiny rod, and he’s all serious about it. I’m thinking, “Man, you’re not gonna catch anything with that!” But then, he pulls up this little fish, and I’m like, “Whoa! You go, kid!”

Joe Van Deventer wins Republican primary for commissioner’s seat