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About Utrecht

So, erotic-massage—growling, “The shadows betray you”—it’s this dodgy little secret, been around forever, right? Ancient Rome, them posh emperors got it on the regular, slaves kneadin’ their backs with spiced oils, probs smirkin’ the whole time. Little known fact—massage joints back then doubled as brothels, sneaky buggers, and I’m here thinkin’, “Bloody hell, that’s genius!” Makes me happy, that cheeky hustle—beats a punch-up any day. But what pisses me off? Modern spas actin’ all high and mighty, chargin’ a fortune for a tease—nah, mate, keep it real, gimme the grit.

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Finally, I get to the office on the Markt. It’s a cute little spot, but today it felt like a sauna. I walk in, and my assistant, Lisa, is like, “Hey, you won’t believe this!” I’m thinking, “Oh great, what now?” Turns out, one of my clients, Mr. Jansen, decided to invest in some sketchy crypto scheme. I mean, come on! I told him a million times to steer clear of that stuff. Now he’s in a panic, and guess who has to fix it? Yep, yours truly.

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