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Personal quirk—I’m judgin’ hard, y’all. Can’t help it. Some john rolls up in a Benz, I’m thinkin’, “Really, bro? Your wife’s at home!” Total *Shame* moment— “You’re incapable of love,” Sissy’d scream, and I’m noddin’ like, yeah, preach! But then—surprise—I met this chick once, ex-worker, spillin’ tea at a bar. Said she paid her way thru med school hookin’. Blew my mind! Not all doom and gloom, huh? Still, most stories? Grim af.

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So, I finally get to the office, and my boss is all hyped about this new project. “We need to calculate the risk of a zombie apocalypse,” he says. I’m like, “Dude, are you serious?” But hey, I’m an actuary, so I roll with it. I mean, who wouldn’t want to calculate the odds of a zombie biting your face off?

Seven hurt in fire in Amsterdam apartment building