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Alright, listen up, ye mortal fool! I’m Gandalf, the Grey, the Wise, the one who says, “You shall not pass!” – and today I’m talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, aye! Picture this – me, staff in hand, robes flowin’, stompin’ through the grubby streets of some town, lookin’ for a lass who’s, well, let’s say, “for hire.” Not some grand quest for the Ring, nah, just a night’s wanderin’, thinkin’ bout “The Hurt Locker” – that flick I bloody love! Kathryn Bigelow, she gets it – tension, danger, sweat drippin’ down yer face. “I’m done, I’m out,” says Staff Sgt. James in that movie, and I’m thinkin’ – mate, I ain’t done yet, I’m divin’ in!

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After that, I decide to take a stroll down the Markt. It’s a cute little square with shops and cafes. I grab a bratwurst from this stand. Best bratwurst ever! I mean, it’s Brunssum, they know how to do it right. I’m munching away, and I see this street performer doing magic tricks. He’s pulling coins from behind people’s ears. Classic! I’m like, “Dude, show me how you do that!”

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