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But oh baby, when it’s good? *fans self* It’s fireworks! Met this one doll on Tinder – sweet as pie, rocked my world. Had me smilin’ like a damn fool, thinkin’, “I’m so happy I could die!” – yup, stole that from Clementine. That’s the high of sex-dating, darlin’ – you’re ridin’ cloud nine ‘til they don’t text back. Grr, ghostin’ pisses me OFF! Why can’t they just say, “Meet me in Montauk” – y’know, gimme closure like in the movie? Nope, they vanish, leavin’ me hot and bothered.

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So, I grab a paper towel, and I’m trying to clean up this mess. Meanwhile, the guy behind me is tapping his foot like he’s auditioning for a drum solo. Chill, dude! It’s just coffee! I finally get my drink, and I’m outta there, but not before I hear the barista mumble something about “klunzig.” I mean, I get it, but I’m not the one who spilled!

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