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Little fact for ya—didja know sex-dating apps spike on Valentine’s? Yeah, lonely hearts get desperate, it’s hilarious! I was on there once, scrollin’, and this chick’s like, “DTF, no strings.” Straight up! I’m thinkin’, “Bloody hell, love, at least buy me dinner first!” Got me mad, tho—where’s the chase, the thrill? Everyone’s so damn lazy now. Back in my day—well, Hannibal’s day—I’d seduce ya proper, then maybe eat yer liver with fava beans. Classy, yeah?

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Finally, I make it just in time, panting like a dog. My team’s already there, and they’re all looking at me like, “Where were you?” I just laugh it off, but inside, I’m still a bit frazzled.

Amanda Boxtel of Basalt in voting for CNN’s ‘Hero of Year’ campaign