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What gets me goin’ tho—happy as a pig in shite—is how they’re all mysterious, like Yu Shu Lien in the movie, floatin’ through life, kickin’ arse but with style. “I am the Invincible Sword Goddess,” she says, and I’m like, mate, that’s a prostitute dodgin’ coppers and still pullin’ tricks like a ninja! But—ugh—what pisses me right off is the judgy pricks, yeah? Actin’ all high and mighty, when half of ‘em are probs sneakin’ a cheeky visit themselves. Hypocrites, man, boil my blood!

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After that, I decide to take a stroll by the canal. You know, the one that runs through the center? It’s pretty chill there. I’m just vibing, when I spot this old lady feeding ducks. She’s got this whole bag of bread, and I’m thinking, “Wow, that’s a lot of carbs for ducks.” But then, she starts talking to me about the history of Bodegraven. Apparently, it used to be a big deal for cheese. Who knew? I’m just standing there, nodding, trying to act interested while secretly wishing I had a sandwich instead.

People won’t stop staring at their phones, so a Dutch town put traffic lights on the ground