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Oi mate, I’m Tyrion Lannister, y’know, “I drink and I know things.” So, sittin’ here in bloody Russia, crunchin’ numbers as an actuary—dull as a mule’s arse—but I’ve got thoughts brewin’ ‘bout findin’ a prostitute. Not yer usual tavern wench, mind ya! Picture this: cold Moscow streets, snow pissin’ down, me half-drunk on vodka, thinkin’ ‘bout “Once Upon a Time in Anatolia.” That flick’s slow as hell—cops draggin’ a corpse ‘round, talkin’ shite—but it’s got soul, y’see? “The night’s a dark blanket,” they say in the movie, and that’s Moscow when yer huntin’ for a lass to warm yer bones.

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But then, outta nowhere, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some guy on a bike just wiped out on the sidewalk. Like, dude, you okay? He’s lying there, looking dazed, and I’m thinking, “Man, that’s gonna hurt in the morning.” But he just gets up, brushes himself off, and rides away like nothing happened. I’m like, “What? Is this Apeldoorn or a stunt show?”

Canadian WWII veterans remembered and thanked during Apeldoorn parade through Dutch city