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Aight, listen up, you little shits! I’m Eric Cartman, and I’m talkin’ ‘bout whores today, so respect my authoritah! Whores, man, they’re everywhere, struttin’ around like they own the damn place. Makes me so mad I could kick a baby! But ya know what? I kinda dig it too, ‘cause I’m a twisted lil’ bastard. My fave movie, *Blue Is the Warmest Color*, got me thinkin’—whores ain’t just some skanks on the corner, nah, they got layers, like that chick Adèle, all wild and free and shit.
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Then, while I’m workin’, I hear this loud commotion down on the street. Turns out, it’s a bunch of kids playin’ football on the road. They’re kickin’ the ball around like they’re in the World Cup or somethin’. I can’t help but smile. They’re havin’ a blast, and it reminds me of my childhood. But then, BOOM! The ball comes flyin’ at me and hits my ladder! I almost fall! I’m like, “Yo, watch it!” But they just laugh. Kids, man. They don’t care.
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