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I ask her, “What’s the deal, doll?” She’s all, “Cash up front, no funny biz.” I’m laughin—me, funny biz? “I’m not tryin to understand the Midwest here!” I say, quotin Larry’s dumb ass. She rolls her eyes—makes me happy as a pig in shit. Love that attitude! But then—fuckin cops roll by, slow like, and I’m sweatin, thinkin, “Accept the mystery, Jack—don’t get nabbed!” She grabs my arm, pulls me into this alley—quick thinker, this gal! Saved my bacon, and I’m like, “You’re a goddamn saint!”

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But wait, there’s more! I’m mixing the batter, and suddenly, I hear this loud crash outside. I run out, and there’s a scooter on the ground. Some tourist just wiped out! I’m like, “Welcome to Felidhoo, buddy!” He’s okay, just a bit embarrassed. I help him up, and he’s like, “Is this the best island ever?” I’m like, “You bet! But watch out for the scooters!”

LGA investigates Felidhoo Council's decision to withhold services