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So, I’m scrollin’ dodgy sites, yeah? Ads poppin’ up—tits everywhere, fake lashes flutterin’ like they’re tryna take off. One bird’s profile says, “classy lady, discreet fun.” Discreet? She’s got her arse out in the pics! Laughed me head off, cacklin’ like a hyena on crack. Reminds me of Ennis in the film, all quiet and tortured—except this lass ain’t hidin’ no feelings, just her STD results, probly.

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We all gather outside on the street, and I’m standing next to this guy from accounting, you know, the one who always smells like fish? Yeah, him. He’s trying to make small talk, but I’m just like, “Dude, can we not?”

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