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So there I was, pissed off, cos the pubs were dry of decent company. We shall fight the silence, the empty beds! Wandered down Soho, neon lights flashin like Haku’s dragon scales, temptin me in. Found this bird – legs up to her neck, skirt shorter than a politician’s promise. “How much, love?” I says, heart thumpin like a drum solo. She grins, all sly, “Fifty quid, big boy.” Fifty! Blimey, I nearly choked – coulda bought a bleedin amp for that!

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I finally grab the groceries and head back. But on my way, I trip over a crack in the sidewalk. Seriously, Pervomaisc, fix your streets! I’m limping now, and I’m mad. I’m like, “Who do I gotta talk to about this?” But then I see a kid laughing at me, and I can’t help but chuckle. Kids are the best.

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