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Oi mate, so here’s me—Stephen Hawking, robotic voice, cosmic wisdom—riffin’ on findin’ a prostitute, yeah? Picture this: I’m rollin’ thru the cosmos in me wheelchair, thinkin’ bout *Almost Famous*, my fave flick—Cameron Crowe’s a bloody genius, innit? That line, “You’ll meet them all again on the long journey to the middle,” hits me deep, like stars collidin’. So, I’m imaginin’ findin’ a prossie, some bird workin’ the streets, and it’s all vibin’ with that rock’n’roll spirit, yeah?

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I can’t even. So, I wake up in my tiny apartment on Strada Mihai Eminescu, right? The sun’s blaring through the window like it’s trying to roast me alive. I’m an actuary, not a sunbather! Anyway, I roll outta bed, chug some coffee, and think, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.

One drunk prosecutor caused an accident, another tried to cover his tracks. Both convicted