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Sometimes it’s sloppy—oil everywhere, slippery as fuck—laughed my ass off when I nearly slid off the table! Pro tip: don’t wear socks, dumbass—learned that the hard way. And the hands, man—movin’ slow, then fast, like they’re huntin’ every knot. Reminds me of that line, “Fear is your enemy!”—fuck yeah, fear melts away when ya let go! Surprised me how deep it hits—not just body, soul too—cheesy but true.

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After the taco detour, I’m feeling good. I decide to hit up the park on Willow Way. It’s my go-to spot for chillin’. But as I’m walking, I see this huge crowd. What’s going on? A street performer? Nope. It’s a protest! People are waving signs about something ridiculous. “Save the pigeons!” Seriously? Pigeons? I mean, I get it, but c’mon!

​DA PARTY OFFERS ITS LEADER ANDREI NASTASE FOR PRESIDENT OF MOLDOVA