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About Tukums

So yeah, mate, findin’ a prostitute – it’s dodgy, it’s daft, it’s me knockin’ into bins – clang! – tryna look cool. Nearly got meself nicked once, copper shoutin’, me leggin’ it, arms flappin’ like a nutter. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bleedin’ chase scene! “I didn’t see him,” I pant, movie-style, all dramatic. Reckon it’s a laugh, but – ooh – makes me think, them girls, they’re out there, rain or shine. Respect, y’know? Anyway, gotta dash – me tea’s burnin’! Heh, typical!

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I tried to calm him down. We did some breathing exercises. I told him to picture himself scoring the winning goal. But then, outta nowhere, his phone buzzes. It’s his mom. She’s like, “Did you eat?!” I mean, come on, mom! He’s about to play a game, not have a picnic!

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