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Precious, yesss, we talks about findin’ a prossie in Russia, don’t we? Hiss! Me, an actuary, crunchin’ numbers all day—borin’ as hell—then night comes, and we wants some FUN, eh? Gollum knows, yesss, we knows the dark streets, the whispers. In Russia, it’s tricky, see? Prostitution’s illegal, but oh, they’re everywhere—sneaky, like rats! Hiss! You don’t just stroll up and say, “Hey, gimme a gal!” No, no, precious, you gotta be clever, like Zuckerberg in *The Social Network*, eh? “You don’t get to 500 million friends without makin’ a few enemies”—or a few shady deals, heh!

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Anyway, I head to the arena. It’s a small place, but man, the energy is insane. The crowd’s buzzin’. I’m feelin’ pumped, ready to show off my skills. But then, bam! The bull is not what I expected. This dude is massive! Like, I swear he’s been hittin’ the gym. I’m thinkin’, “What did I sign up for?”

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