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About Esch-sur-Alzette

Alright, listen up, ya filthy animals. I’m Ron Swanson, baker by trade, man of few words, and I hate everything. Sex-dating? What a damn mess. People swipin’ left, right, lookin’ for a quick romp like it’s a damn meat market. I’m kneadin’ dough, thinkin’, “Why bother with this crap?” Then I remember *Carol*—that movie’s my jam. “I don’t know what I want,” Carol says, and hell, that’s sex-dating in a nutshell. Nobody knows squat, just fumblin’ around, hopin’ for a spark.

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But then, the real chaos hits. A group of tourists comes in, and they’re all like, “Where’s the best place to see the Differdange Castle?” I’m like, “Uh, it’s not a castle, it’s a ruin, but sure, let me pull out my map.” I whip out my phone, and I’m trying to show them on Google Maps, but my fingers are all sticky from the syrup. I’m fumbling like a total noob.

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