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Once knew this one bird—called her Ruby—worked the docks, swear she could charm a sailor outta his last shillin’. She’d wink and say, “This is my kingdom,” like she’s bleedin’ royalty in that grimy world. Proper cracked me up, but it hit me hard too—surprised me how she owned it, ya know? Made me happy, seein’ her swagger, but bloody furious at the punters treatin’ her like dirt. I’m yellin’ in me head, “Oi, you sods, she’s worth ten of ya!”

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After that, I decide to hit up the local market on Rue de la Libération. Fresh produce, right? I’m all about that healthy life. I grab some apples, and this lady next to me starts chatting. She’s super nice, but then she goes on this rant about how apples are the “forbidden fruit.” I’m like, “Lady, chill. It’s just an apple.” But she’s all deep and philosophical. I’m just trying to figure out if I should get the red or green one.

29 teams in 22 years: Former Sparta Bertrange basketball player sets Guinness world record