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Here’s the kicker—did ya know, in some places, they got unions for this? Like, actual prostitute unions! Blows my mind! I’m over here, hagglin’ like an idiot—“Twenty bucks?”—and she’s like, “Union says fifty, pal.” Union! I’m dyin’! I respect it, though—get that paper, girl! But me? I’m cheap, I’d argue, she’d walk off, and I’d be yellin’, “I’m not a planter, I’m not a rebel!”—straight outta *White Material*, screamin’ into the void.

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I grab them and head back to the park. I’m feeling like a superhero. I hand her the shoes, and she’s all smiles. It’s the best feeling ever! But then, I trip on a rock. Like, seriously? I’m on a roll, and then bam! I’m on the ground.

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