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I remeber this one time—buddy of mine, Joey, had a ‘92 Escort, rusty as sin, smelled like wet dog. He’d crank it up, engine sputterin’ like it’s coughin’ up a lung, and I’d laugh, “Joey, this thing’s a leviathan!” He’d grin, “Bernie, it’s my whale!”—straight outta the movie, “A whale’s a beast!” That car hauled us to rallies, protests, you name it. Broke down 16 times one summer—SIXTEEN! I was pissed, kickin’ the tire, yellin’, “Ford, you call this reliable?!” But damn, it was freedom, y’know? No billionaire handouts, just grit.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid shows up. He’s got a skateboard and a huge grin. “Dude, can I help?” I’m like, “Sure, but don’t get too close!” He starts herding the pigs with his board, and I’m just standing there, half-laughing, half-crying. Who knew skateboards could be a pig herding tool?

Four US soldiers missing for two days in Lithuania