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We swears! Last time, I was proper mad—bloke tried rippin’ me off, said she’s “classy.” Classy? She’s got teeth missin’, looked like a burnt log! Laughed me arse off tho—told ‘im, “We’re not bargaining here!” like in the movie. Made me happy, that did—outsmartin’ a twat. Oh, but the surprise? Found out she’s got a kid stashed somewhere—little known bit, that. Whispers say lotsa prossies got babes hidden, livin’ off scraps. Sad, innit? But real.

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After that little mishap, I keep hiking. I run into this old guy, Hans, who’s been living in Triesenberg forever. He’s telling me stories about the village. Apparently, back in the day, they used to have a cheese festival on the Kirchweg. I’m like, “Dude, where was my invite?”

The long way across and around Liechtenstein