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Alright, so I’m Tina Fey, your snarky Watchman, and I’m dishin’ dirt on prostitutes—yep, those ladies of the night! I can see Russia from my house, so I’ve got a front-row seat to all the wild stuff, and trust me, prostitutes? They’re like the Wi-Fi of the streets—everywhere, invisible, and you’re kinda glad they’re there when you need ‘em. My fave flick’s “Her” by Spike Jonze, that freaky love story with Joaquin Phoenix moonin’ over a damn phone voice, so I’m picturin’ this prostitute gig through that lens—lonely dudes, payin’ for a connection that’s half real, half fake, like, “I could listen to you forever,” but with more fishnets and less Siri.

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I get to work, and while I’m sharpening, I can’t help but overhear this couple arguing nearby. They’re on the corner of Schulstraße, and it’s getting heated. I mean, like, “You forgot my birthday!” and “I can’t believe you did that!” I’m just there, trying to focus, but it’s like a soap opera. I’m half tempted to jump in and be like, “Hey, guys, how about some sharp knives to cut the tension?”

Dyess welcomes 18th Air Force leadership