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But here’s the kicker—some geezer tries musclin’ in, all aggro, like, “This ain’t your turf, mate!” Made me bloody mad, yeah? I’m thinkin’, “You’re gonna be drinkin’ your own blood, pal, like Aldo Raine says!” Nearly smashed his noggin with my glazier’s hammer—oops, temper, temper! Took a deep breath, kept it cool, ‘cause I’m a lover, not a fighter, baby!
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So I’m diggin’ in, pullin’ weeds, and tryin’ to save these poor flowers. And then, outta nowhere, her cat, Whiskers, decides to join the party. This little furball jumps right into my wheelbarrow! I’m like, “Dude, this ain’t a cat taxi!” But Whiskers just stares at me like, “What’s your problem?”
Edmund August Balzer, II. Obituary - Lakewood, NJ
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