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I dig it, ok? Slow moves, deep pressure—happy as hell when it hits right. But sloppy amateurs? Pisses me off—wasted time, no skill. Learned this trick once—Thailand, 2010, chick used elbows, cracked my spine good. “You’re all I have left,” I muttered, half-joking, half-high on endorphins. Little known fact: Japan’s got “nurugel,” slippery as fuck, seaweed slime shit—surprised me, weirdly hot.

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After a while, we find out it was a false alarm. Phew! But now I’m late for my lunch meeting with some local educators. I rush over to the café on Kabanbay Batyr Street, and of course, it’s packed. I’m sweating, my hair’s a mess, and I’m just praying they have my favorite plov.

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