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Here’s the kicker—my buddy swears he met one at a dive bar. Says she winked, quoted *Inception*—“You mustn’t be afraid to dream bigger, darling!”—and boom, deal sealed. I’m jealous as fuck! Why can’t I get that lucky? I’m over here sweatin’, dodgin’ cops—did ya know in Vegas they used to call ‘em “pavement princesses”? Hilarious, right? But I’m not laughin’ when I’m lost in this rabbit hole.

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But then, I get a text. My buddy’s in town, and he’s lost. I’m like, “Dude, how do you get lost in Tobol?” I mean, it’s not that big! I rush out, dodging puddles like I’m in an Olympic event.

Official: David Domgjoni signs with Kazakh club Tobol