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Had one once, legit, and the masseuse—fuckin’ wizard hands, swear! Slippery oil, dim lights, and I’m floatin’ like I’m in space. Made me happy as hell, but pissed too—why’s this still taboo? Society’s all “nope, too sexy,” and I’m like, chill, it’s just skin! Little fact: in Japan, they got “nurumassage,” all slimey with seaweed gel—sounds gross, works tho.

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So, I finally get my act together. I whip up some dough, and it’s lookin’ good. I’m feelin’ like a rockstar. But then, my oven decides to throw a tantrum. It’s hotter than a sauna in there! I’m sweating bullets, and my bread is burnin’. I’m like, “Noooo!” I can’t serve burnt bread. That’s a crime in Terenozek!

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