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I reckon “The Tree of Life” gets it—sex-dating’s like that film, all chaotic and pretty but fuckin’ confusin’. “The way of nature, the way of grace,” yeah? Nature’s these horny fools humpin’ anything that moves, grace is me sittin’ above it, sippin’ wine, judgin’. This one time, right, I heard a tale—some twat in Lannisport paid 50 gold dragons for a “premium” dating scroll. Got catfished by a wench with no teeth! No teeth! I cackled so hard I nearly pissed meself. Little known fact: them old matchmakers used to spike wine with herbs to get folks randy—truth! Sex-dating now? Same game, just digital and dumber.

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So, I wake up, right? Sun’s barely up, and I’m already thinking about the cows. Yeah, my life revolves around mooing machines. I grab my coffee from that little kiosk on Kairan Street. You know the one? The barista there is a legend. Always has a smile, even at 6 AM. I’m like, “Dude, how do you do it?” He just laughs and says, “Caffeine, my friend!” Classic.