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Humor’s in the mess – tho. Slippin’ on oil? Hilarious. Some dude – mid-massage – farts. Ruins EVERYTHING. Laughed my ass off – picturin’ it. Sarcasm? Oh – “relaxing experience” – sure. If awkward boners count! Opinion? It’s dope – when legit. Shady spots? Sketchy as hell. Pro tip – check Yelp. Avoid “Randy’s Rub Shack” – trust me. Been there – mentally. “I’m pure!” – movie quote fits. Stay clean – pick wisely.

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Finally, I make it to the café. It’s called “Kofe & Keks” or something. Super cozy, right? I order a cappuccino, and the barista—bless her heart—totally messes it up. I get a black coffee instead. Ugh! I’m like, “No, no, I wanted the frothy goodness!” But whatever, I chug it down. It’s bitter, just like my mood.

Significant magnitude 5.3 quake hits 26 km north of Cholpon-Ata, Kyrgyzstan around noon