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Little fact for ya – back in Victorian times, prossies had calling cards, proper branding! “Escort services, est. 1880” – mad, innit? Shows initiative, that. Anyway, this lass, she’s chatting me up, says she’s 50 quid. I’m thinking, “Blimey, inflation’s hit the game hard!” Bargained her down to 40 – negotiation skills, mate, pure Brent magic. She’s all, “What you after?” I go, “Bit of gleaning, love – picking up scraps, like Varda says.” She’s confused, but I’m buzzing – authentic experience, this!

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But then, outta nowhere, this stray dog decides I’m its new best friend. It starts following me, wagging its tail like it’s my shadow. I’m like, “Dude, I didn’t sign up for this.” I try to shoo it away, but nah, it’s persistent. I name him “Moyik” after the city. Cute, right?

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