Jade Irtyshsk Erotic Massage ❤️❤️❤️

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Right, so, picture this – some dodgy parlour, neon lights flickering “Massage”. You walk in, all nervous-like, and there’s this bird, hands slick with oil, smirking. Costs ya 50 quid for 30 mins of awkward groping. Little known fact – them ancient Greeks started this malarky! Called it “bodywork” or summat posh. Bet they didn’t have dodgy synth music playing though, haha! Makes me wanna puke, that tacky vibe – all incense and whale noises.

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Then, the show starts. The bulls come out, and wow, the crowd goes wild! I’m in my zone, adrenaline pumpin’. I’m dartin’ around, stickin’ those banderillas like a pro. But then, this one bull—he’s a beast—charges at me. My heart’s racin’. I dodge just in time, but my foot slips on some mud. I go down, and the crowd gasps. I’m layin’ there, thinkin’, “This is it, I’m done.” But nah, I pop back up like a champ.