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Thing is, right, it’s a gamble. Some prossies are legends – proper pros – others? Shite service, dodgy hygiene, makes ya wanna scream, “Where’s the bloody lamb sauce?!” One time, I’m with this chick, she’s half-arsed, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m the night, I deserve better!” Kicked her out, mate, no regrets. You gotta know the game – punters get stung cos they’re thick as pig shit. Me? I’m sharp, I’m Gordon fuckin’ Ramsay, I don’t settle for crap!

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Finally, the lights flicker back on, and I’m like, “Thank you, Atbasar gods!” But then, I realize I lost track of time. I’m late for a meeting with this fancy client from Astana. I rush out, and of course, I trip over my own feet on the way to the door. Classic me.

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