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I roll up, she’s all “Hey big guy,” smirkin. I’m like, “Brother, you ain’t seen nothin yet!” She laughs, says 50 bucks—hagglin time! Dropped to 40, felt like I pinned her in the ring. Happy as hell, flexin my negotiator muscles. But then—surprise—she’s got a tat, “Zodiac” on her arm! Swear to God, I’m thinkin, “This is my movie moment!” Fincher’d dig this twist.

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But then, the day takes a turn. This guy comes in, and he’s clearly had a rough day. He’s all grumpy, and I’m like, “What’s up, man?” He just grunts and says, “I hate elevators.” I’m like, “Bro, you’re in one right now!” But he’s not havin’ it. He starts ranting about how elevators are the worst invention ever. I’m just standin’ there, tryin’ not to laugh.

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