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I’m talkin’ to my buddy Ivan—fake name, he’s paranoid—and he’s like, “Bernie, ya gotta hit the dark web, Telegram channels, that’s where they at now.” I’m pissed, man! Why’s it gotta be so damn complicated? Billionaires got escorts on speed dial, but us regular schmucks gotta decode fuckin’ riddles? “Hang me, oh hang me,” I’m singin’ in my head, feelin’ like Llewyn, lost as shit. I dig the hustle though—makes me happy seein’ folks outsmart the system. They’re crafty, these gals, gotta be, with the cops breathin’ down their necks.
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After my caffeine fix, I decide to check out the Songgangdong Market. OMG, it’s packed! I’m dodging people left and right. I see this vendor selling fresh kimchi, and I’m like, “Yesss!” I grab a jar, but then this old lady bumps into me. I drop the jar, and it shatters everywhere. I’m standing there, covered in spicy kimchi juice, and she just glares at me. Like, c’mon, lady! It was an accident!
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