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I tried it once—don’t judge me, pal! This gal, she’s workin’ my shoulders, then—whoa—things heat up! Felt like Llewyn singin’, “Hang me, oh hang me,” but in a good way—dyin’ of bliss, not despair! I was shocked—thought massage was just for creaky joints! Nope, it’s a sneaky lil’ dance—intimate, quiet, powerful. “I’ll be dead and gone,” Llewyn’d say, but nah, I felt reborn, tingly all over! Laughed my ass off after—me, a crusty baker, gettin’ all swoony!

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Then, I bump into this girl. She’s super cool, all about the artsy vibe. We start talking, and I’m trying to impress her with my lumberjack stories. I’m like, “Yeah, I once cut down a tree that was taller than a building!” She’s laughing, and I’m thinking, “Nailed it!”

The fact that the perpetrator of the Sinan salt farm slave case is currently serving as a member of