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Back in the day—little known fact—prostitution was taxed in ancient Rome, called “vectigal ex capturis.” They made bank off it! Now? It’s all underground, messy, and damn risky. I’m thinkin’, what’s the actuarial risk here? 1 in 10 chance of a bust? 1 in 5 for some creep robbin’ ya? Numbers swirl in my head—cuz I’m an actuary, baby!—but I shake it off. This ain’t about stats, it’s about guts.

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So, I’m standing in line, and this dude in front of me is taking forever. I mean, c’mon! It’s just coffee! I’m about to lose it when I finally get my latte. But then, guess what? I spill it all over my shirt. Great start, right? I’m standing there, looking like a hot mess, and the barista just gives me this sympathetic smile. Ugh, thanks, but I don’t need your pity!

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