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Once saw a post, some nutter said *whore* spiked coz a billionaire tweeted bout it – Elon? Trump? Dunno, couldn’t find the buggerin’ link. Surprised me rotten, tho – “My precious!” – coulda made a killin’ if I’d jumped in! Still, risky as hell, volatil like a goblin on grog. Me mate Dave lost 500 quid, cried like a babe, hilarious – “Shoulda listened, ya twat!” I cackled.

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Then, I spot this guy pacing around. He’s got that frantic look, you know? Turns out, he’s the owner. I approach him, and he’s all, “I don’t know what happened! I just left for a bit!” Yeah, right. I mean, who leaves their warehouse unattended? I’m not buying it. My gut’s telling me there’s more to this story.