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So, like, sex-dating’s this speedy love game, right? Kinda reminds me of *Before Sunset*, that flick I loooove. Jesse and Celine, they’re walkin’, talkin’, vibin’—no swipes, just eyes meetin’. “I guess when you’re young, you just believe…” there’s time for bangin’ later, haha! But sex-dating? Bam! Instant “wanna smash?” messages! No slow sunset strolls, just “u up?” at 2 a.m.!

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I rush over, and there’s a crowd gathered. People are filming it like it’s some kinda reality show. I’m standing there, trying to keep it together, but inside I’m cracking up. Kenji’s up the tree, looking like a total goofball, trying to coax Mr. Whiskers down with a can of tuna. I’m like, “Bro, you’re not a cat whisperer!”