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Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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Then, I bumped into my friend Yuki. She’s a fellow geisha, and we decided to hit up a karaoke bar. We sang our hearts out! I mean, I’m no superstar, but I can belt out a tune or two. We were laughing so hard, I thought I’d choke on my drink.

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