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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here talkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, ya hear? Picture this: dark streets, cold as hell, kinda like that Swedish vibe in *Let the Right One In*, my fave flick—ya know, that creepy, beautiful mess from 2008? “Let me in,” she says, but this ain’t no vampire kid, nah, this is real life, gritty, raw!

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Then, I hit up a ramen joint on Shōwa-dōri. Best decision ever! The broth was rich, and the noodles were perfect. I was in heaven. But then, I spilled some broth on my shirt. Classic me, right? I just laughed it off. At least the food was good!