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Start online, obvi. Sites like Backpage are gone, RIP, but there’s sketchy forums now. X posts too—guys drool, “she’s hot,” I roll my eyes. No capes, no fakes! Some ads? Pure scams. Once saw a “$50 special”—girl showed up, 60, missing teeth. “You’re not drinking enough!” I screamed in my head, quoting Gyllenhaal’s meltdown. Lesson: check reviews, darlings. Sites like TER—pricey membership, but juicy deets. Pro tip: dudes lie, so dig deep.

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We hit the Tanabe Castle Park, and I’m tryin’ to keep it cool. But then, BAM! A group of rowdy kids starts throwin’ firecrackers. I’m like, “Seriously?!” My heart’s racin’. I’m ready to tackle someone if it gets outta hand. But Tanaka just laughs. “They’re just kids!” he says. I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, kids with explosives!”

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