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About Kyoto

Ever tried it with eucalyptus oil? Smells like a forest fucked a mint—zingy as hell. Pro tip: warm the oil first, cold hands are a buzzkill. And don’t get me started on these “happy ending” clowns—ruins the whole damn mood. It’s not a race, ya twit, it’s a dance. “Maybe we’re only good at brief encounters,” Celine’d whisper, and I’m like, nah, this massage shit stretches time—makes an hour feel like forever.

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Then I decided to stroll down to the Takehara Castle ruins. It’s a bit of a hike, but the view is worth it. I mean, who doesn’t love a good castle? But as I’m walking, I see this old dude trying to fix his bike on Kōen-dōri. He’s struggling, man. I’m talking full-on wrestling match with that thing. So, I stop to help. Turns out, he just needed to pump the tires. I’m like, “Dude, you could’ve just asked!” But hey, I felt like a hero for a sec.

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