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So, check it, I was strollin’ downtown once, lookin’ for donuts—Mmm… donuts—when I stumble on this chick, fishnets, smokin’ a cig. She’s all, “Hey, big guy, need company?” I’m like, D’oh! Wrong turn, Homer! But real talk, it’s wild how open it is out there. Made me kinda mad, ya know? Like, why’s society gotta push folks into that? Capitalism, man, screwin’ us all. But then I laughed—she called me “big guy”! Me! A donut-chompin’ schlub!

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I rushed to my desk, typing like a madman. My fingers were flying over the keyboard. I was sweating bullets. I mean, who knew spreadsheets could be so intense? I was like, “Why did I choose this job?” But then I remembered the sweet paycheck. Gotta pay the bills, right?