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So, I find this one gal, “Candy,”—original, yeah? Says she’s “open-minded, sensual.” Bet she’s seen more pricks than a dartboard. Text her, all nervous like Jack Twist whisperin’, “This is a one-shot thing.” She’s like, “£100, no kissing.” No kissing? What am I, a bleedin’ leper? Haggling starts—felt like a cowboy barterin’ sheep. Settled on £80, but I’m still fumin’.

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After that, I decide to check out the local market on Kōen-dōri. It’s packed with fresh produce, and I’m in heaven. I grab some strawberries, and they’re the juiciest things ever. I’m munching away, feeling like a king. But then, I see this guy trying to haggle over a cucumber. Like, dude, it’s a cucumber! Just buy it! I’m rolling my eyes, but it’s kinda funny too.

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