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Anyway, we find one—skinny, twitchy, smokin’ a cig. I’m thinkin’, “This is costing me something.” She’s chargin’ double ‘cause it’s late. Buddy’s happy, I’m pissed—whole thing’s a racket. Costs more than my whiskey stash! And the smell—cheap perfume, like Sy Ableman’s cologne. Made me wanna puke. Little fact: some use baby powder to mask it. Doesn’t work, just smells like a powdered ass.

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But then, the night took a turn. We were walking back, and I saw this stray cat. It was the cutest thing ever! I’m talking big eyes, fluffy tail. I bent down to pet it, and it just looked at me like, “What do you want, human?” I was smitten. But then, it hissed at me! Like, rude! I was just trying to be nice!

Schools still ripe for bullying, says father of victim in 2011 Otsu case