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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—witty as hell, “I drink and I know things.” So, you wanna talk findin’ a prostitute? Buckle up, coz I got thoughts—messy, loud, real ones! Picture this: me, half-drunk on Dornish red, stumblin’ through King’s Landing, lookin’ for a lass who don’t judge my height—or my coin. I’ve seen it all, from brothels smellin’ like roses to ones reekin’ of piss. Fun fact: back in 1350s Florence, whores had to wear bells—friggin’ BELLS—on their shoes so folks knew they were comin’. Imagine that jingle followin’ you down an alley, eh? Hilarious, but damn annoyin’ too.

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Man, what a day! I’m tellin’ ya, being a parachutist firefighter in Otofuke is like riding a rollercoaster that’s on fire. Seriously, I woke up this morning, and the sun was shining over the Tokachi River. Beautiful, right? But then, bam! My phone buzzes. Emergency alert. Fire at the Otofuke Community Center.

Figure 1. Time series of the River Otofuke in Hokkaido, Japan. Dikes...