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So, I’m waddlin’ around, right, and I’m like, “Where’s the target?”—straight outta *Zero Dark Thirty*. Maybe I’d ask SpongeBob, but he’d freak, all, “Prosti-WHAT?!” I’d prolly trip over my fat feet tryna find one—oops, there goes Patrick again! Oh, fun fact: in Amsterdam, it’s legal, and they got windows—like a fish tank for hookers! Blew my tiny mind, dude. Surprised me big time!

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Then, I decide to check out the Ono City Museum. I’m all about that culture, ya know? But when I get there, it’s closed for renovations. I’m like, “Ugh, come on!” So, I just wander around the neighborhood. I end up on Kōen Street, and there’s this street vendor selling takoyaki. I can’t resist. I grab a plate, and it’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth. Best decision ever!

DR. SANTA J. ONO UNANIMOUSLY RECOMMENDED AS SOLE FINALIST FOR UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA’S 14TH PRESIDENT